On Fridays the Netmums blog is written by Team Netmums on life behind the scenes or a subject that has sparked debate on the site. This weeks post was inspired by a thread on Netmums (which also had a huge response on our Facebook page) all about feeling alone as a new mum and craving adult company and friendship
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In the first few weeks of parenthood you can feel surrounded by a comforting bubble of 
friends and family – they pop round to visit, bringing hugs and presents, chat and gossip. As the weeks go by, your partner goes back to work and the visitors drift back to their own busy lives, you can find yourself alone for vast swathes of time with only a pink, wrinkly newborn for company who – let’s face it – wonderful though they are they are crap conversationalists!.
When you find yourself trying to stall the postman as he delivers your bills and shooting the breeze with the person on the phone who rang trying to sell you a new kitchen just to eke out a bit more chat from another adult – you know the time has come to head out into the new big wide world and seek and make some new ‘Mum friends’.
Nic from the team describes her longing for ‘mum’ friends taking over her waking thoughts:
“I would walk for miles and whenever I passed another mum with a buggy I would smile hopefully (and probably with an off putting glint of desperation), wishing for her to stop and say ‘Hello’ and offer to be my friend. When I saw a group of mums sitting in a cafe I would feel like a new girl in the playground – desperately wanting to go over and ask if I could join in and play too.”
But – where are all the other new mums and how do you find them and make friends?
If you are lucky you may have met a group of other local mums at an antenatal class. There might even be a ‘Postnatal’ meet-up already circled in your diary. ‘Fantastic’ – you think – and head off with a spring in your step to meet them. However, sometimes you discover that just because your babies were born at the same time this might not be enough to forge bonds of lasting friendship.
The next obvious step is to brave a baby and toddler group . Often held in dusty and cavernous church halls – they are a mecca for new mums. You even get tea and biscuits all for a bargain price. What could possibly be the catch? Well – it depends on how confident you are and how welcoming the group is. When you first walk into a toddler group it can feel like being the new girl at school all over again. Groups of confident and together looking mums chat easily whilst their children play happily on the mat. It looks like they’ve all known each other for ages but the reality is that they were in your shoes once too and if you can stick out the initial awkward visit you may find you’ll meet a friend for life.
Another option to try is a baby class. So you scour Netmums for a baby music class and head along with renewed optimism. Singing along to nursery rhymes and banging instruments with your little one you can’t help but feel daft. You wish you could nudge your best friend and giggle at the surreal new situation you are in only to realise the woman sitting next to you is someone you have never met before, blasting the tune out with all the confidence of a trained opera singer and seeming to take it all very seriously.
So – what’s the answer? Give up and go back to stalking the postie?
Cathy from Team Netmums says: “I tried out a few toddler groups until I found one that I felt comfortable at. I never realised there’d be a ‘pecking order’ at a toddler group, I found out after I sat in the wrong seat. It was like being back in the school playground. I eventually found a warm friendly group and made some brilliant friends. There will be a toddler group out there for you – it just might not be the first one you go to.”
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New mum friends can be discovered in the most unlikely places and once you meet them and spark up a friendship they can be a lifeline. Netmums has over 500 mums organising Meet Ups all around the UK. Why not see if there’s one in your area and if not, think about setting your own one up?
I found mother and baby / toddler groups a Godsend. I think the trick is to remember it’s quite likely that most women feel as exhausted as you do and it’s not necessarily that they’re unfriendly. They might seem vacant because they’re dog tired and nervous too. Most mums are glad for a chat with anyone!
I was the most cynical mum at these things and went along out of boredom, but I was surprised to find out that I met the most amazing women as well as a few horrors. Going from drinks at five O’clock to motherhood and all it brings, you need a lot of humour to get you through it.
And it’s amazing how even some very shy mums take this step and bravely join a toddler group and interact with the others…