Guest post – Whatever you do, don’t laugh

Today’s guest post is from Ben Wakeling, dad, blogger (Goodbyepertbreasts) and author of ‘Goodbye Pert Breasts – Diary of a newborn dad’.  He writes about how hard it is sometimes not to laugh when your child has been up to mischief instead of disciplining them.

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Parenting can be very frustrating at times: for example, when your toddler decides to make a deposit in the nappy bank right after you’ve just changed him; or when your son decides that, after having pestered you for a ham sandwich for twenty minutes, he actually wants pasta.

But for me, the most frustrating thing – and it’s happened to us all – is when you start laughing when trying to discipline your child. It just takes all the wind out of your sails: you start laughing, they start laughing, before you know about it you’re both giggling away like schoolchildren and you’ve completely forgotten what you were trying to tell them off for in the first place. Then, by the time you’ve remembered, it’s far too late; discipline doesn’t quite have the same effect when you wake your kid up in the middle of the night to say “Hey, you know that thing that I was trying to tell you off for earlier, but then we laughed? Well, you were a very naughty boy.”

A case in point: early the other morning I trudged downstairs with both my sons – wide awake, of course – and turned on the TV, punching in the numbers for CBeebies whilst trying to see the remote through eyes that were mostly glued together by crusty fleck of sleep.

The boys were quietly watching the Fimbles as I lay on the sofa and snoozed for a short while – y’know, until one of them hits me in the face demanding breakfast. The next thing I know, I’m awoken by my eldest son – Isaac, age 4 – asking “Where’s my heart, Daddy?” Although I’ve not yet opened my eyes, I can feel his face right in front of mine, his morning breath wisping around my nostrils.

“Chest.” I mutter, and then my eyes snap open as I hear the sound of felt tip pen against skin. With utter horror, my eyes travel from my son’s stomach to his face – every inch of his body covered in green pen. He’s even managed to draw on his back.

I try to talk, but nothing comes out: until my 20-month old son’s face pops up in front of mine. His face, too, is totally smeared in green ink as he grins at me and yells something unintelligible.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing: my two sons, standing in front of me, one scrawling a heart on his chest, both looking like miniature Incredible Hulks. My horror turns to a mixture of fear and anger.

“Get the wet wipes, quickly!” I exclaim at Isaac, who meanders off in the general direction of the kitchen, despite my hushed urges. Any minute my wife will come downstairs, you see, and if she’s faced with this she’ll flip.

Panicked and frustrated, I frantically buff my sons’ faces with wipes, yanking at lips and eyelids to angry exclaims. “I can’t believe what you’ve done!” I growl, through gritted teeth. “Look at the state of you both! I’m so angr-”

My voice trails off as my mind steps back and observes what I’m doing. My two sons are covered in green pen. Covered. They look like little Shreks. And here’s me, trying to wipe away ink with both hands but failing miserably. And I can hear my wife’s footsteps on the stairs.

I’m so angry, but try as I might I can’t help but crack a smile. The smile turns to a chuckle, which turns into a giggle, which turns into a full-blown belly laugh. I’m still trying to wipe the pen away, but my smears are limp and useless. Isaac and Noah see me laughing, and they laugh, and as my wife walks into the living room she’s faced with the sight of two green sons laughing their heads off and a grown man who can’t stop crying. And the lesson learned by my children? None, really, except for perhaps one: if you draw all over yourself in green pen, Daddy will be cross for a minute, but laugh for an hour.

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Read about more kids up to mischief in this brilliant thread on Netmums .  Do you ever really want to laugh when you should be being ‘stern’?  What stunts have your children pulled or what mischief have they called that made you smile first then tell them off later?