Each Friday we take a look behind the scenes at Netmums and pick a theme inspired by a talking point in our Coffee House for the Team Netmums blog. There have been many interesting topics discussed on the site this week – everything from beheaded snowmen to the price of motherhood to cotton-wool kids. In the end we chose a theme that comes up time and time again and always gets people talking. Baby names – and whether we ever regret our choices.
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What’s in a name?
A member posted asking if anyone else regrets their choice of baby name as she’d gone ahead and chosen a name her other half and mother weren’t keen on and she was now regretting it. The traditional name she’d chosen that seemed perfect at the 20 week scan now seemed wrong almost two years later. This sparked much debate on the site and on Facebook as everyone shared their baby name choices with many still happy with their choices but a few regrets too.
Often we think about names for our babies years before they are born, imagining what we 
would call a boy or girl once we become mothers, picking out favourite names, squirreling away beautiful and unique names we hear…
And choosing a name for our unborn baby is a big decision. Some parents keep their name choices a secret during pregnancy. Once you say a name you are thinking of out loud it is not long before friends and family chip in with their opinions, their own ‘better’ suggestions and insist that actually he should be named after ‘Uncle Eric’. There can often be names that you love but your partner doesn’t – leading to you searching for alternatives and feeling like you have compromised. There can also be feelings of bitterness (of course often unvoiced) if your friend ‘nicks’ the name you always wanted to call your child….How very dare they?
Here on Team Netmums (many of us being children of the 70s) we have a collection of traditional names. If Siobhan was to call the register each morning there would be much repetition and confusion as we have 6 Nicolas, 4 Janes, 3 Lucys and 2 Cathys on the team…There is nerry an ‘Apple’ or a ‘Moonbeam’ between us.
Finding that you have chosen a popular name means many later feel regret that their child will always be one of a crowd and have others in their class or school with the same name – their child forever consigned to be called ‘Hannah L’ or ‘Archie T’.
Choosing something more unusual or unique also has its pitfalls. What if they hate it? What if everyone laughs? Will giving them an unusual name make them always stand out like a sore thumb and drive them mad later when they constantly have to repeat it or spell it out? And if you are introduced to a baby with an unusual name you instantly have an opinion – one of our team really met baby ‘Huckleberry Finn’ at a local toddler group.
Often parents say they ‘waited’ until after birth to see what name their baby suited before making a final decision. It perhaps seems odd, if this is true, that more babies are not called ‘Winston’!
Feena (one of the mini Team Netmums with – let’s face it – a more unusual name – are you now mulling over whether or not you like 
it?) asked her mum why people had names. The answer was of course – so they can write their names in the sky with sparklers!
If you’re mulling over baby names why not visit our Baby Names board in the Coffee House to see what names people are discussing and add your thoughts. Or take a look at the site to see the most popular baby names.
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Also on Netmums this week
Also this week members were discussing a baby gro with the slogan “Help I’m being kidnapped. These are not my parents.” and having read about the garment on Netmums, campaigners for Ben Needham, who vanished aged 21 months in Greece 20 years ago, complained about the product being on sale. It has since been withdrawn from sale at Kiddicare. If you spot anything on sale or in the media that is inappropriate or offensive, do let us know what you saw and where and report it on our new board: Keeping Kids Media Safe.
Finally we were delighted to hear that the proposed fee to use the new version of the Child Support Agency has been slashed from £100 to just £20. In a webchat with Minister Maria Miller last year many Netmums members explained how it would be ‘impossible’ to find £100 to begin a CSA action. Read more here.
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Next week it’s Single Mums week on the Netmums Blog and every day we’ve got an inspiring guest post to bust the myths about single mums. In a week where everywhere you turn there are hearts and roses for Valentine’s Day we thought it would be great to explore the alternatives.
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I love a good baby names debate – it was (and still is) a favourite past time. Currently, I have three friends all due to give birth in the next four weeks and I’ve been loving listening to them talk names. We chose unusual names for our two, not really by design but because we love the names (Nia (girl) and Elias (boy). When I was growing up and making grand plans for my family (I was going to have twin girls AND twin boys called Kerry, Nicola, Ryan and Rhys) I was very definite about naming my children something people wouldn’t get confused with, I’m Julie-Ann, but get Gillian, Julia, Jilly-Ann, Julian, Julie-Anna, Mary-Ann and Lesley-Ann (yes, really) all the time.
But Nia often gets Mia or Lia, and bless her she tries realy hard to exagerate the ‘N’ when telling people her name for the first time. Elias often gets funny looks, followed by ‘very biblical’ when we share his name. I don’t regret my choices as love the names and couldn’t imagine them being anything else, that said, I wish they didn’t have to repeat them twice or spell out for others as I know that only too well.
PS – Yes, Feena is delightful!
I know the feeling! When we decided to name our son Elliott we were very careful to look up the two most famous Elliott’s we could think of – Elliott Gould the actor and the little boy in ET (on the film credits) Both were spelled with 2 L’s and 2 T’s, so that is the spelling we chose.
Now people rarely spell his name correctly and it drives me nuts! I would never again choose a name with alternative spellings!
Fun tearhd! This is a topic near and dear to my heart. My name is Deb, and my brothers married Debbie and Deborah. We decided right off not to do that to the next generation, so our kids have slightly unusual names (okay, maybe more than slightly). I could not look at a child and say you are precious, you are unique, and there are 4 more of you in every class you will ever attend. With each pregnancy (7), we had endless discussions on names, and narrowed it down to a boy and girl name for each. Oddly, our grandchild was named one of the unused-because-of-gender names,and her mother is another one. We wanted a good kid-name (it’s tough to be a 3 year old Philip or Myrtle) but one that would look good on a business card later. Susie and joey are not easy to be taken seriously. We did want to name a daughter one of those cutsy-ends-with-ee-sound names, so we just bent it into a longer, more adult name,and the name we wanted was her nickname for a few years. I think we did well. One son hated his 10 letter-name growing up, and used a 5 letter nickname since kindergarten The kids could go to recess after they printed their names,and he quickly noted that he and Stephanie were always last to the playground, while Tom was always first. Now that he is an adult, he insists on using his full and complete first name. Another son was given a name that is somewhat common in the place where husband served a mission, but sounds a little exotic here. One advice you left off your list; if you are an American, limit your child’s name to no more than 9 letters. On government and school forms, only 9 letters fit. Above-mentioned son was heatedly offended by having the last letter left off, thus making is sound like a feminine name. Oh, and we avoided celebrity names. I was friends with Moses in college,and he complained mightily about having so much to live up to. Kids have enough pressure let them be themselves!
I have 3 boys and I regret my middle sons name! Sounds awful but I do. My eldest is Alexander Lewis, my youngest is Noah Michael and my middle is Brandon Luke. I was never a fan of the name Brandon but his father was adamant and it was the only name he would go for. I wanted to call him Joseph and I really regret not putting my foot down. Obviously he seems like a Brandon to me and everyone else now and we have gotten used to it, but I could kick myself for it!
My son is called Iason – the original Greek name for the anglicized Jason. While living in Germany, and Greece there were no problems with this name.However some people in England can’t pronounce it. Even though if you can say Ian I don’t see the problem. My daughter is Elpitha Olympia, her first name is the Greek word for hope and the second is the place the olympic games started.
My eldest daughter is called Merrily (like Row Row Row your Boat) its very unusual and lots of people comment on it. Its a name Ive loved for many years and not one you’ll often come accross. I have to say it does frustrate me how people get her name wrong even after explaining two or three times that its MERRILY and not Emily, Melanie or Merry-Lee but if I’m going to give my daughter an unusual name thats something I, and she will have to live with!
I love my son’s name Nathaniel, and was lucky that my OH agreed on that rather than my only other boys choice which is one of the really popular names at the mo (being an Emma, meant growing up there’s no individuality). However, it does annoy me when people call him Nathan – it’s sloppy and people just don’t listen to what you say. We have prescribed what we want his shortened form to be, so hopefully that’ll stick rather than some other random names. The only thing is, I feel sorry for him having to learn how to spell it compared with other children who have 3 or 4 letter names!
though it may sound boring i chose names that probably could not be shortened my eldest is Beth although she has had people (including teachers) insist that she is really Bethany!!! my youngest is called Eve though she often gets called Evie and Eva, I love both their names and I have no regrets hopefully they both agree with me
My 10 month old son is called Oakley. It was suggested to us by a friend and my OH loved it straight the way. My parents hated it. I wanted Alfie but i am now glad we didn’t choose that as he would have become Alfie M in school. We left it till the full 6 weeks you have to register them. It was a very emotional time for me because I neither loved it or hated it. It was going to be our last baby so know we’d never have that option again. My main concern was if he’d like it when he grew up, so we gave him a second name he could use instead. It was very hard as i am very close to my parents and even though everyone said its your child including them I was trying to think how they would feel saying his name as they would be in his life lots. In the end we went with Oakley Alfie John. Alfie so he can drop Oakley and John after his dad which was always going to be his middle name. I found everyone had an opinion on it suggesting names, and why is it taking so long you’ve had 9 months! My advice would be make sure you don’t listen to those around you. If we had named him before leaving the hospital everyone would have just said wow what a nice Name!!! take your time you will be saying their mane an awful lot. I know love it and can’t see him as anything else and I believe we will bring him up with the confidence and strength to deal with all that life throws at him. I have had a few wobble moments like when I saw the sun glasses advertised or when I saw a young man with it over the middle of his t shirt in the supermarket but at least this way if he grows up to play golf at profesional level he’ll have his own line of clothing!!!!!!
I’ll update in 5 years time and let you know what he thinks.
My daughters name is Jorja, and as soon as she was born people were spelling it wrong. The midwife who delivered her spelt it Georgia. Which lead to a lot of crossing out on hospital paperwork before we were allowed home. I’ve had people spell her name Gorga, I’ve had it pronounced Horja.
we loved emma till feidnrs got a hold of it. it’s still off my husband’s list because he thinks everyone will take us for ross and rachel fans. we break a few of your rules. our middle daughter has my name and i have my mom’s name. it has a long history and it wasn’t going to end with me. there’s a slight spelling differentiation between my name and my mom’s, so my daughter was specifically named after my mom, with her spelling. but when i was born, my dad cried and thought i was so beautiful that he wanted to name me after my mom. who can argue with that?! and we have punctuation marks, but only because our names are of a foreign language and that’s just how it works. our youngest daughter wasn’t officially named till she was five months old. we had narrowed it down, but were still debating when she was born. it became a back burner issue when real life kicked in with three under three and a husband who was always at work. everyone told us when you see her, you’ll just KNOW, but that was a crock. i like naming a baby before they’re born (as our oldests were) because you’re used to the name by the time they’re born. our youngest is 13 months and i still have a tough time with her name. in our irish-welsh family, jack is a nickname. i used to love the name, but it was short for john. my husband and i could never use it because i insist that jack be named john, called jack, and he thinks that’s just stupid. cultural differences play a lot into our names. our oldest has a just because name. we picked it out when we were in high school puppy love and it stuck. i don’t like it because it lacks the meaning our other kids’ names have, but my husband loves that her name is extra special picked because it was the most beautiful name.
My daughter’s name is Elliana Sophia and I absolutely adore it. It suits her perfectly. I get a bit annoyed when people pronounce it Ellie-Anna (especially when I have already corrected them and they happen to be family members!) but then I guess you get that with every name. My name is Kate (so quite normal) and I have been called Kathryn and Kaitlyn more times than I care to remember! Whenever we tell people DD’s name is Elliana we get “Oh isn’t that beautiful!” if someone likes it, but we can always tell when they don’t because they tend to say with an odd expression “Oh, well that’s different…”. I don’t care if other people like it. I love it and, given that it means “Gift from God” and we had a bit of a scary time with her when she was first born (prem) she definitely lives up to her name <3