All this week Netmums are featuring stories from single parents. Today’s blog is written by Gemma, a single mum to Alfie who runs her own business – Vintage Gems – Inspired by the Past. She writes about how she picked herself up and was determined to make something of her life to blast the stereotype of being a ‘scrounging and lazy single mum’
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I’m going to start this blog by trying to sum up just how difficult being a single mum is. It’s an art form really, the multi-tasking of everyday household chores, being a mini nurse, teacher, security guard, chief cook, cleaner (OK so not a very good one), bill payer, story teller, peace maker and discipliner. It really is a 24/7 job, paid for with the occasional hug, kiss or laugh.
Being a single mum you would think people would congratulate you on your day to day efforts, yet unfortunately we seem to be condemned. I didn’t choose to be a single mum; it was not my ambition in life. However, on finding myself pregnant I also found myself deserted.
When my son was born I strived to do everything ‘by the book’, my son was breastfed until he was 23 months old, each meal was handmade by me and I attended the invaluable Sure Start centres. Yet still these things were overlooked because I was a single mum; stigmatised as being lazy, and getting pregnant to skip the queue to get a council house.
Let me say I am, like many other single parents, not lazy. I never have been. The main challenge when being a single parent is childcare. Most nurseries open at 7.30am and close at 6pm. This means that shift work, jobs more than 10 miles away from your home and weekend work are straight away out of the question. This is not even mentioning the cost of childcare. In these economic times, with inflation rising and Tax Credits falling it is becoming almost impossible for single parents to get themselves into work.
I did not want to be a statistic. Neither did I want to be stigmatised or looked down upon. The final nail in the coffin came from my son’s father’s new wife when she called me “Nothing but a benefit scum bag” for “only” working 16 hours a week. So I started to think about what I could do, what I was good at and the areas I was interested in. I decided I wanted to do something to try to end stigma attached to single parents and also something to promote and increase breastfeeding rates. With this in mind I applied to do a Bsc Degree in Social Policy, and was happily accepted as a ‘mature student’. However, degrees are expensive, this alongside childcare costs, rent, bills and other day to day expenses I needed a job if I was to fulfil my degree dream. Four months prior to starting my degree I set up my own business.
I used the last £130 income support money I had, with no savings behind me, and set up 
my jewellery business Vintage Gems Inspired by The Past. I got my first sale the day I set up my business. In fact I got three sales that day. I remember making £30 in one day and feeling like I’d won the lottery!
My business has taken off big time. I currently have two large stockists and often sell items within an hour of them getting on my Facebook page.
Was it easy? No. For the first few months I would of been better on the benefits I was entitled too. Not to mention I was working at least 16 hour days. I had to fit the job around my son.
Do I wish I had someone to help? Well of course I do, it would be lovely to come home to my tea cooked, the washing done and the house tidy. It would be nice to have some support when you get stressed, instead of having to time your tears so the little one doesn’t see, no matter how depressed you feel inside. It would be great to have an hour or two of ‘me’ time every now and again, without having to try to fit in things around grandparents.
Yet, I am happy and proud to be a single parent. I can say look at what I have achieved. I 
have more in my life than most and I am extremely blessed. If I could say one thing to single mums it would be to follow your dreams, don’t listen to what politicians or the media say. I have nothing extraordinary just the power and will to succeed and to try to end single parent stigma. Do not feel down or listen to negative remarks, prove yourself to the people who doubt and always believe in you. If you are one of the people who stigmatise single parents remember, life changes happen every day and you never know when the shoe may be on the other foot. Do not judge single mums, praise their daily efforts.
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Gemma is single mum to Alfie and is one of the growing breed of mumpreneurs, single-handedly setting up her own successful home-based business making and selling beautiful up-cycled vintage jewellery.
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SINGLE PARENT SUPPORT
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Not all single mums can work, I didn’t want to be a single mum but my daughter father chose to walk away at three months pregnant and never had anything to do with her, she is 2 years and 11 months, she goes nursery but my problem is that nursery opens at 8.30 and closes at half 3. No jobs about that I have done before so I am doing a parenting course to make me better parent gonna do a Maths and English course and hopefully do a teachers assistant course later on in the year
Hi Gemma, can you give some details as to how you set up your own business and how much it costs, and do you have to pay tax on what you earn? Thanks.
Its really nice to ready this story, I am a single parent and have been since the day my daughter was born. I work full time in a very demanding job and found it very difficult at first to get over the guilt I felt. firstly because my daughter did not get to spend more time with me and secondly becuase I could not give more than the 10 hours a day at work and I felt I was doing a bad job. However on reflection neither was the case, I work more efficently at work and find ways around things more and my daughter has just flurised at the childminder and is just a much happier little girl. The thing I find the hardest is not having any support from her father or my parents but thank god for Friends and without them I could not have got through the first year.
The most annoying thing about being a singe parent is the cost of holidays my little one is only one and whenever I looked to book anything with her I end up having to pay full price adult, this is just wrong.
I also think there should be more support groups as some time it can be a very lonely at times.
Have you tried any single parent travel companies? I went on a trip at New Year with a company called Single with Kids (www.singlewithkids.co.uk) this last year and had a fab time.`If you log onto their website, there is also a forum where you can, amongst other things, find out about local get-togethers with other people who use the forum. I really would recommend logging on if you would like to make single parent friends, as it has changed my life for sure!