Best-selling novelist Freya North has written Netmums a fabulous guest post for Valentine’s Day – find out what she’ll be getting up to below.
Read on to find out how to win 1 of 10 signed copies of Freya’s latest book Rumours.
“What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”
It’s a loaded question, one we’ve been asking each other for some time (the supermarkets posed it straight after Christmas) but it’s been doing the rounds in earnest for the last few days. Today has now arrived and how you spend it is a BIG DEAL and it’s become ludicrously BIG BUSINESS. Far from being an intimate day for personal declarations of love and longing, 14th February is now wholly public. Card quotas will be tweeted throughout the day; instagrams of bouquets will appear over all social media in fragrance free 2D. Bank accounts have already been plundered. Chocolates will be gorged, restaurants are fully booked, WeightWatchers will set up a helpline. There’ll be proposals and dumpings, reprisals and recriminations. The postmortem will probably start late evening – and just as publically.
Me? I’m spending the entire day in a torrid tangle of limbs. Well, to be pedantic, I have to squeeze it in (euphemism intended) during the 6 hours between school-runs. Ah, the joy of time restraints – it gives sex such an intense urgency, makes it slightly illicit and so much more gratifying. I like doing it this way. There’s a whole lot of bonking that can be done in daylight, leaving the evening free and the night for a good sleep. I doubt I’ll even have time for a cup of tea, let alone to loiter for the postman like a child hovering by the fireplace for Santa. Interflora will just have to leave it all by the gate. DO NOT DISTURB. I need every available minute for kinky foreplay before the main action. I’ll be referencing most copulatory positions known to man (and others plundered from the Netmums’ Karma Sutra Gallery) before thundering to a mind-blowing orgasm of cosmic proportions. Then I’ll check my watch – just the once – and, if there’s time, I might slip in a quickie.
I have a whole array of props to hand. An assortment to make the mind boggle and the temperature rise, not least because come on, baby, I’ve already lit my fire. (Actually, it’s a woodburning stove but the red-hot poker is a great analogy). My puppies are out. (Actually, that’s not a euphemism – their names are Twig and Bee and they’re with the dog-walker today). I’m wearing a cashmere dressing gown. I have a pair of specs perched oh so primly on my nose. My velvet-lined handcuffs are at the ready… and at this point, I must reveal that these are metaphorical – to chain me to my laptop, not my bed. Because today, Valentine’s Day, I am writing a sex scene in my new novel.
I’m a single mum. If the postman brings me anything, it’ll be a credit card statement, an electricity bill and yet another colourful distillation of Boden’s current catalogue. So, for me, I’m just going to have to spend today living vicariously through my characters. They need me, though, as much as I need them. The last time they, er, came together, I read the scene through and realized the hero had three arms and from the position of the heroine, her lips had migrated to her left shoulder blade. I’m more than just their choreographer, though. In fiction, as in life, the best sex is when there’s plenty of heart and soul as well as body bits. Happy Valentine’s all – love makes the world go round so it stands to reason that the earth won’t move for those who don’t believe that.
Win 1 of 10 signed copies of Rumours!
We’re delighted that Freya North has agreed to give away 10 signed copies of her latest book Rumours. To be in with the chance of winning one just leave us a comment below telling us the name of Freya’s puppies (look carefully above and you’ll find the answer). Usual Netmums terms and conditions apply.