Last week it was ‘Choose Charity Shops’ week and Netmums has been buzzing with discussions about how much we do or don’t like bargain hunting and buying ‘pre-loved’ clothes, toys and gifts. 

So many admitted they loved nothing more than finding a bargain and giving a new home to a nearly new item.  Elizabeth who blogs at Me and My Shadow, writes about how she loves to buy second hand and champions the Netmums nearly new.

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I love to buy second-hand items.  Not only will you get a bargain compared to the cost of new, but you’ll be doing your bit for the planet too.  By re-using an item that a person no longer wants, you are saving the item from land-fill and saving the energy and raw materials to make the item new.

I also love the unique look and vintage style you can achieve by purchasing pre-loved clothes, household items and furniture.  Most of my home is decorated and furnished (rather stylishly I like to think!) with second-hand finds.

But as the cost of postage and petrol rockets ever upwards, even the thriftiest pre-loved lover is getting more savvy.  If you’re looking for alternatives to high delivery costs on online auction items or shelling out for petrol to drive out to car boot sales at the weekend, then here are a few ideas to try.

Netmums
Have you registered for your local Netmums area?  Check out the ‘Free’ and ‘Nearly New’ sections and browse loads of items nearby.  It’s not just children’s clothes and buggies – you might be surprised what you find.  The local boards are also a great way of passing on items you no longer need.  With no selling fees it’s a cost effective way of reaching local buyers.  Or you could offer them for free or check out the ‘Wanted’ posts to see if you have something you can pass on.   Remember the old adage ‘Tis far better to give than receive’!

Back to basics
In this digital age it’s all too easy to forget the old fashioned methods of bargain hunting.  You can still pick up great quality second-hand items locally by checking postcards in newsagents and post offices windows; your local newspaper’s classified section and many supermarkets/schools/churches/village halls also have community noticeboards where you’ll find items for sale.

So, whether you’re browsing online from the comfort of home, or trawling the notices in a shop window, it sure beats paying whopping postage charges, and with the bonus that you’ll be able to pop down the road to collect your goodies, you won’t be forking out on petrol either.

I host a weekly link-up over on my blog called ‘Magpie Monday’ so if you’re looking for inspiration, or have a second-hand treasure you want to show off, then please do pop over and say hi.

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Right now as part of our United Kindmums campaign we are calling on mums to give to others with the Netmusm nearly new.  Why not have a good spring clean and de-clutter the house and post up your unwanted items on your local Netmums Nearly New board?  Or check the ‘Wanted’ section and see if you have an item that someone else is looking for and rest content in the knowledge it will get a new home?  Or browse your local Nearly New board and grab a bargain or two.  Let us know about any great finds.

Although not your average staffroom conversation piece, it did prompt some interesting admissions from Team Netmums about how we feel about our body hair and what we do with it. Most of us, it seems, do quite a bit of waxing, plucking, epilating and depilating. And most of us begrudge it.

Hollie described herself as dreadfully hairy, and confessed that – despite being a fully paid up feminist – she is constantly, obsessively trying to remove the excess. She claims to have tried every method of hair removal going over the years – and has even forked out a fortune for laser treatment in a bid to tame her ‘wild’ bikini line. Jill says she always shaves her pits, if only because it makes them smell less, occasionally tackles her bikini line, and, when pushed, will pluck her eyebrows – although she reckons it’s almost as painful as her three C-sections. As for Donna, well she’s glad of the extra covering in the winter months, but prefers to whistle it all away when her body’s on show in the summer – usually with a razor, although in the run up to a holiday, she will submit to the torture of the epilator. (She adds that she can’t wait until the day when she doesn’t have to care anymore – although she’s not saying when that’s likely to be.)

Facial hair is another bugbear. Mandy was most upset to discover her first chin hair after turning 40 (although Hollie pointed out that she’s fortunate to just have the one), and Lynn tentatively raised the subject of her ‘tache, and the many hours she spends trying to remain whisker-free.

And what of the modern trend for removing all, or virtually all, the foliage in one’s ladygarden?  Perhaps understandably, most of the team were keeping schtum about what they’ve got growing down below and what they choose to do with it, but some were upfront  – including Jo, who pleaded a fear of pain in the region and claims she’s sticking with her ‘seventies-style bush’,  and Laura, who pointed out that, since she had a full complement of pubes when she met her OH 20 years ago, she sees no point in getting rid of them now.

On a more sober note, some of us with daughters feel distinctly uncomfortable about them growing up in a culture where zero body hair is the new norm. It seems the pressure we all feel to rid ourselves of something that’s entirely natural is ever increasing.
Maybe we should say sod it, and throw away our razors, tweezers, wax strips, and Epiladies. Maybe Emer’s got a point.

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If you want to de-fuzz and are bemused by the array of options read our handy Netmums guide to hair removal and our page of top tips to make home hair removal a breeze.

We think this post from Looking for Blue Sky about school yard tales from a mum’s perspective will ring some bells with lots of you – it certainly did for us!

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You’ve met her.  She is always there a little early.  Not desperately early, not one of the mums that parks up half an hour before school finishing time to get a good spot.  Often she walks to schoool.  It’s healthier you see.  She looks good, but not as though she’s made too much effort.  No lycra or labels or lipstick, or perhaps that’s just the schools that my kids attended.  The Schoolyard Queen has presence and is warm and friendly.  As she strolls into the yard, smiling, heads and feet turn in her direction.  Quickly a group gathers round her to exchange the news of the day.  Her kids are well-behaved, independent and studious.  I am in awe and envy.

I was the Cinderella of the school yard.  Untidy and awkward, but always armoured with black eye liner.  Sometimes I had Smiley as a prop and she was soooo cute back then, and Angel’s friends would always pop over to say hello.  I would chat to their Mums, but I didn’t make any lasting friends that way.  And by the time she was ten, Angel would just wave goodbye at the door and head off with her pals.

In different school yards I’ve played the role of career mum – late, heel-teetering, briefcase and umbrella clutching – sporty mum – in runners and lycra – ageing rock chick mum – black, silver, attitude – and unpopular mum at my son’s school once his behaviour got out of control – hoodie, headphones.

There were more characters too, but perhaps I should let them describe themselves.  Or maybe you can help me?

My school-yard skulking days ended two years ago, and despite the downside, I do miss them.  Now two younger children are in special needs education and are collected by bus.  I miss walking to school with my son and the chats we had, even the Pokemon monologues.  I miss the news and gossip and rumours – often just as useful – about the school and the staff, children and parents – though in his final year in mainstream, I’d say that aspie boy and I were often the topic of the day.  No more meetings with teacher by chance or design, and especially at my son’s school, I feel I barely know them or what goes on once he disappears through the doors.

Now I lurk in the virtual schoolyard of Facebook and Twitter, which also has a huge cast of characters, but mostly on my side.  If not, I just block them, something that’s harder to do in the real world.  So I get to discuss all the big schooling questions on-line and at the Rainbow Junior Arch Club.  Many of the people I have met on-line have become real life friends and some of the special needs mums I met through the Club are now friends on-line.  That’s the way it goes, and it is so much better than the isolation that special needs mums must have endured in days gone by.

Unlike many parents of children with special needs, I have not lost friends as a result of the different life that I now lead, apart from the natural wasting away that happens to some relationships that have run their course.   Some friends I have known since childhood, some for the twenty years that I have lived in Dublin.  They are all still part of my life and a great way to escape special needs for a while.

So I am very lucky with my friends.  But I wonder how others get on in the schoolyard now.  Once again I live just down the road from Angel’s primary school.  And every day I watch the parking spaces fill, the traffic wardens suddenly materialise, and anxious mums and dads with toddlers and buggies head up and down the hill to collect their kids. Do they enjoy the experience?

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The topic of the school playground and what it feels like to be there as a mum is one that crops up time and time again on Netmums.  There was a thread last week asking mums whether they were a friendly school gate mum or whether they felt awkward and lonely on the school run.  Is your nursery or school playground a welcoming haven or is it dominated by cliques? 

As Mums we all felt for Madeleine’s mother because this was every mothers worst nightmare. And it’s a nightmare that continues to haunt Kate McCann.

Madeleine is still missing. No answers have yet been found.

There has been a lot of talk since that day about why Madeleine is more important that all the other missing children out there. She isn’t. But that does not make finding her any less important. By raising awareness of Madeleine’s case the failings in the systems across the globe for all missing children have been, and continue to be, improved.

Saturday was Madeleine’s 9th Birthday.

Saturday also saw the launch of a worldwide social media and internet campaign entitled #Blogging4Madeleine which wants to highlight this age progressed image commissioned by the Metropolitan Police. It is a guide as to what Madeleine may look like now, aged 9:

Madeleine went missing on holiday in Praia da Luz, Portugal on Thursday 3rd May 2007.

Contact information to report any sightings or information:

Operation Grange

0207 321 9251 (in the UK)

+44 207 321 9251 (non-UK)

Or Operation.Grange@met.pnn.police.uk

OR Crimestoppers in confidence on 0800 555111 or www.crimestoppers-uk.org

All this information is available from www.findmadeleine.com

• I cried the other day because someone had finished my Nutella and hadn’t told me!
• I cried in the park when my husband pointed out a duck that only had one foot.
• This week I have cried at Auntie Mable when Pippin got left at the building site.
• I cried because the neighbours next door got post and I didn’t, I thought the postman didn’t like me anymore.
• Every time the Muller advert came on with the cow running along the beach I would cry my eyes out.
• I  stood on a snail and was devastated. Cried for hours.

Hormones – pesky things at the best of times but when you are pregnant they can easily take over and tip even the most calm and level headed woman over the edge.  Never ones to shy away from admitting our flaws (and some of these anecdotes do make us seem a little unhinged!) we thought we would share with you some of the things that brought Team Netmums to tears when we were pregnant.

Some of the tales we shared showed that we were all just a bit more sensitive than usual and unable to shrug things off as we might have done normally.  Comments about looking tired or fat (not unkind ones just casual jibes or observations) or gentle teasing were all taken to heart and brought on the tears.  Other confessions showed just how much the smaller and irrational things made us act completely out of character and made us cringe even in the re-telling.

Our favourite tale from the Team was Julie and her sock drama. Quite out of character she had taken it upon herself to lay out her husband’s clothes for a night out.  He got dressed and all was well until…  Julie noticed he hadn’t put on the socks she had laid out for him.!!  She gnashed her teeth and wailed like a dramatic heroine from a bad romance and accused him of not loving her anymore as he had shunned her choice of footwear.  The poor man didn’t quite know what had hit him. We expect he chose his socks extremely carefully throughout the rest of the pregnancy.

It’s often the little things that seem so irrational that can floor us when flooded with pregnancy hormones and tiredness.  Nic once broke down because there was a bag of oranges in the hallway and the mere sight of citrus fruit made her feel sick.  Caroline was moved to tears by reading The Velveteen Rabbit as a bedtime story to her elder children and more than one of us have admitted to crumbling into racking sobs because of a moving film or even a loo roll advert!  Donna admitted that she even cried during Cars 2…..(that well known tear jerker!)

And when we were stumped by a task then there was really no hope.  There were tears over trying to assemble buggy boards and Cathy became a jibbering wreck trying to assemble flat pack nursery furniture.  She admits she has never sobbed so loudly and so much in her life and the whole experience has left her with a lifelong aversion to Ikea.

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What reduced you to tears during pregnancy? We would love to hear your stories (if only to prove to ourselves that we are normal!)

This post by LondiniMum caught our eye this week, making us laugh out loud and nod our head in agreement. It’s not all bunting and cupcakes at our house either!

So tell us – have you ever been guilty of any of these?!

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In the midst of all this blogging and crafting and baking I realise I am at risk of coming across a bit Stepford or supermum. So, just to set the record straight – here’s five things a good mother probably wouldn’t do (but I have).

1) Skip the plate stage and put food straight on the floor.
Yes, I confess, desperate times have led to desperate measures (why won’t the buggers just EAT??), and anyway, they seem to prefer it a la linoleum.

2) Allow play with inappropriate objects just because it keeps them quiet.
“Don’t be ridiculous of course a 15-month-old shouldn’t be allowed to play with a £500 mobile phone. Oh, it keeps her quiet for 45 seconds you say? Go right ahead.”

Then there’s the destructive play. I run a constant ticker tape, calculating energy-required-to-tidy-up-mess-being-made VS energy-saved-by-getting-a-break-while-destruction-is-wreaked. Eg toilet roll unravelling = well worth it. Emptying clothes draw on the other hand, is not.  This is Gertie’s latest ‘toy’:

See how happy and contented and QUIET she is? Definitely worth it.

3) Allow big brother to dress little sister just because it keeps him happy. This picture was taken in March and yes, we did leave the house like this.

Believe me, this is better than some of the combos Stan has chosen for her.

4) Invent role-playing games that allow you to doze while playing. Classics include doctors and nurses where you are the patient; Christmas Eve when you are the sleeping child waiting for Santa; night-time at the farm etc. But my personal favourite is ‘Builders’ – I am always on a tea break. He falls for it every time. Ha!

5) Do anything for a good photo op – even if it makes your child cry.Oh come on, everybody does that – don’t they?

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Brilliant!  What would you add to the list?

The stigma of second hand goods has been lost over the years.  Whereas once people might have crinkled their noses at the thought of rummaging through musty clothes in charity shops nowadays the second hand market is thriving and we embrace everything vintage, retro and pre-loved.  And what’s more we all love a bargain.

Especially when it comes to baby clothes and equipment it seems to make so much sense to pass things on, hand things down and give to others.  They are used for such a short time before our babies and toddlers grow out of them and are often in good condition.  There is also something lovely about thinking of your buggy, highchair or the handknit cardi your baby once wore being used and loved by someone else instead of gathering dust in an attic or garage.

And that’s why our second call to action in our United Kindmums campaign is to give to others with our Nearly New boards.

If you are anything like us, here at Team Netmums, your homes will be full of things you no longer use or need, gathering dust and taking up space in sheds, garages, attics and cupboards.  We are calling on mums and dads to have a good clear out and give away their pre-loved items to help others.

The Team have been joining in and listing their items free on their local Nearly New boards. Nic gave away a booster seat which had been languishing unloved in the shed to a lovely single mum who was so delighted to receive it (they also had a lovely natter as they met to collect the goods).  Siobhan has given away a stroller her children have long since grown out of and Cathy has been having a good clear out with the help of her son – but hold your breath as the games he sorted into the ‘no longer loved’ pile he then quickly decided they were in fact his absolute favourites.

Beth has passed on a Roboraptor (whatever that is), a Nintendo DS and hopped with glee nearly as much as the 6 baby rabbits she also gave a new home to after spying them on her local Nearly New board.

It’s a win-win – if you join in you not only get to clear some space in your home but you  get a warm fuzzy feeling as you help out other families.  It’s really easy to list items and add a photo, its all local and you are even doing your bit to recycle.

So – we hope you’ll join in and jump on the pre-loved train.  Why not check your local Wanted board? (It’s not full of fugitive criminals – think of it like a dating site for nearly new goods instead).  You might just have the item someone is looking for lying unloved in your attic gathering dust and crying out to be loved again.  Or get the kids to join in with a huge clear out and list any unloved  items on your Free Nearly New board and see if you can help someone else out and find them new homes.

You never know you might get to meet some lovely Netmums in the process too!

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Do you use your Netmum’s Nearly New board?  We would love to hear any great stories of things you have given away.

Tara Cain over at Sticky Fingers has done it again. She’s put her finger on something very small but very profound about us Mums – that we find it extraordinarily hard to say out loud that we are good at something. For this weeks Blog of the Week we’ve chosen her ‘I am fabulous’ post which asks the question – ‘What are you fabulous at?’

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We’ve all had them. Those ‘I’m not good enough/strong enough/worthy enough’ feelings.
For me, motherhood seemed to intensify them.
I wanted to be the best mother I could be and so put all my effort into that.
Then I worried I wasn’t a good enough wife. Or good enough at work. Or good enough at anything, quite frankly.

But even when we do feel that we’re particularly good at something, do we shout about it?
I’ve seen lots of discussions online of late calling for women to support each other, to stop the bitching and the belittling and let us talk about our achievements without accusations of having an over inflated ego.

In her post on the subject ‘Confidence Vs Ego‘, Muireann (pronounced Mirren, get it right or she’ll get cross) at Bangs and a Bun states: “Someone mentions an achievement/something they’re proud of – a certain sector of people shout them down for bragging and say how inappropriate that is. People, let’s stop the nonsense”.

So, today a bunch of people are going to shout about their achievements loud and proud.
Some took it more seriously than others!
You’ll also notice how some STILL find it hard to say they are fabulous and opt for words like ‘great’ or ‘rather good’!

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We did note that Tara left herself out of the video – so we’d like to take this opportunity to tell her that she is fabulous too!

If you’ve been feeling less than fabulous why not pop over to the Netmums Woman section which is jam packed with ways to get your mojo back..

Image by http://www.sfdigital.co.uk/

When it was decided that the ninth Netmums book was going to be based on the most common questions to crop up in the early years of parenthood, the first thing I did was set about making a list of what those questions might be. At ten and seven, my ‘little ones’ are not so little now, and the baby and toddler days (or baby and toddler daze, as I tend to think of it) are well behind me. But still, after a little chewing of the end of my pencil, I came up with: ‘Dear God, when will the crying stop?’ ‘Is the colour of this poo normal?’ And, ‘Are chunks of my nipple supposed to be falling off in this way’? (I also added: ‘Where TF is the corkscrew?’ but crossed that out as I didn’t think the publisher would be keen.)

We then asked the Netmums, in order to make the list a bit more comprehensive. As is usually the case when you canvass for views on the Netmums forums, the result was a broad range of thoughts. ‘When will he sleep through?’ was popular, as was, ‘How can I get her to settle on her own?’ More than one had wondered, ‘Why is he constipated?’ whilst variations of ‘Is it normal that she’s feeding every 45 minutes?’ cropped up a good few times.

Some questions made me chuckle. (‘When will his little man boobs go?’; ‘Is that a smile – or wind?’; ‘What time’s the midwife coming?’ ‘Is he meant to stand to attention when I take his nappy off?’)
Some were poignant.  (‘Am I a bad mother because he’s so little?’; ‘How will she know that I love her?’; ‘Why doesn’t my HV notice I’m not coping?’; ‘How can I make some friends I like?’)
Some were plaintive. (‘Why is everyone else’s baby sleeping through and not mine?’ ‘When can I stop breastfeeding?’; ‘Why hasn’t my baby read the same books that I have?’; How come I can’t I have him in bed with me if we both enjoy it?’)
And some were, well, some were a bit yuck. (‘Why is his cord stump black?’; ‘What’s with the blood in her nappy?’; ‘Is he supposed to vomit back every feed?’; ‘How come her poo’s projectile?’)
Many were practical. (‘How am I supposed to fit a shower in?’;  ‘Should I take her to the doctors?’; ‘How do I hold him in the bath, squirt the soap, and wash him at the same time?’; ‘Why did I only buy three muslins?’)
And others were profound. (‘Am I doing this right?’; ‘What the hell have I let myself in for?’; ‘What on earth did I do with my days before I had a baby?’; ‘Will I ever stop worrying about him?’)

Eventually, I ended up with 50 questions, which seemed to cover pretty much all the big issues from the first two years. And then I just had to set about answering them – which I did with help from the aforementioned Netmums. Fortunately, they don’t just have the questions. They have the answers too. The Ultimate Baby & Toddler Q&A is the result.

Read more from Hollie on her blog

Read more about The Ultimate Baby & Toddler Q&A.

See all Netmums books.

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Win 1 of 10 signed copies of the latest Netmums book

We have 10 copies of  ‘The ultimate baby and toddler Q&A’  to giveaway – signed by author Hollie Smith.  To be in with a chance of winning, simply leave us a comment telling us the name of any of the other Netmums books (there’s a link to our book page above!). We will pick out ten lucky winners from all comments received by midnight on the 31st May. See the Netmums terms and conditions.

thread on the site about the promises you make when pregnant

We asked Team Netmums to confess all about their pregnancy proclamations and promises which were soon dropped like a ton of bricks once reality hit home.  Here’s our pick of the favourites:

1.  ‘My child will never watch television until at least the age of two’ – In reality you soon knew every CBeebies programme broadcast and find yourself humming the Balamory theme tune as you traipse the supermarket aisles.

2.  ‘It’s OK we can still go on that camping/ski-ing/road trip to Germany that we planned.  We’ll just bring the baby too’ – In reality you hastily switched plans and hired a warm, sound-proof holiday cottage instead and even then came home shattered after your baby screamed each night at the indecency of sleeping in a strange environment.

3. ‘I’ll never be one of those baby bores that talks about their baby’s poo all day’ – In reality you find yourself discussing the contents of your baby’s nappy in fine detail with a group of other mums. ‘Mustardy yellow it was….’

4.  ‘Of course we won’t lose touch with old friends – we will get loads of babysitters and meet up all the time’ – In reality you look up after six months to realise that the nearest thing you have had to going out was getting dressed in the afternoon and popping out to chat to the shop keeper as you bought more milk.

5.  ‘I’ll never shout at my child’ – You find yourself moving from a gentle reminder to a nag then a full on shouty scream and strangely the blow outs seem to largely involve the little things like putting on shoes or coats.

6. ‘My child will never eat sweets/junk food/processed food’ - In reality after your baby spitting out the pureed food you spent hours preparing they then hoover down the ‘emergency’ jar of baby food you had in the cupboard.

7. ‘My child will never have a dummy’ – In reality they were bought and used within a few hours of the baby arriving home.

8.  ‘My child will never play with toy guns’ – In reality the house now looks like a test pad for Nerf.

So there you go  – our parenting promises shattered!  What did you vow to do /not do when pregnant?